Monday, November 21, 2005


The mid-day break.

The first time
That I am able to sit down
For real

I am behind
On so many chores
But I have learned to stop no matter
Because it will never run out

So I leave the mommy-job behind
Even for just a few moments

Speaking of behinds
Mine is right now sitting squarely on my chair
Not hanging to the front to tie somebody's shoes
Not squashed to the back ambling for space on the couch
Not swinging left and right to rock somebody to sleep

The first time during the day
That I am able to do something relaxing
For myself

And my behind

It feels good.

Sitting used to annoy me
Used to be that staying in one place meant
I was either being idle or lazy or both
The crazy spinning top
That's the best metaphor I could come up with
When I think about my life before motherhood

Now sitting is wonderful
It is time to read
It is time to write
It is time to be quiet
Take it slow with my own thoughts and things

Leave the obligations behind
As I sit on my behind.

I am still a crazy spinning top
I guess some things never change
Only more appreciative
Of sitting time
On my behind.

A play of words
Brings me here:
Behind, BEhind, BeHIND, BEHIND
What is it about this word
There is a message here
As mentioned in the movie:
Bee Season
(Again the word "Be...)
Words and letters hold the answers
If only we let them show us the way

An epiphany:
I know it is time
To take the "HIND"
Off the "BE"

To stop looking at the past too much
Instead look at the present moment
To give up on analyzing the what ifs
Along with the should have, could have, would haves
And simple be grateful that I "have"

To see that there is no such thing, really
As being behind on anything
There is simply Being
Right here
Right now
If so one chooses.
For now is all there is.

Somehow, after this little break
I don't feel so behind
On my mommy-job anymore

No comments: