Monday, August 14, 2006
on his surprise birthday and reunion celebration
photo by patrick frias
On the second anniversary of The Breathing Room, I bid farewell to you, dear reader. But this is not really a goodbye, just a transition post, because I am dramatic like that. Heehee.
It all started exactly two years ago to this day. I was writing a love note for my dad, it was for his 65th birthday.
We just celebrated Dad's 67th together with the Pineda Clan last Saturday and what a glorious celebration and grand reunion of long-lost family it was.
I could not think of a more fitting time to say goodbye to this blog which has become so much a part of my journey in growth, in healing, in learning more about God's Love everyday.
It has spanned two years, 730 days, a family 0f three moving to a new country, two new births, three homes, over a dozen new friendships, countless realizations, joys and sorrows. Sometimes I soared so mightily I glowed, sometimes I tripped so badly I bled, somehow remembering to breathe through it all.
Tears of joy and celebration flow from my eyes as I write my farewell piece on TBR. A final tribute to my first blog. This may be an electronic, inanimate entity but, by God, I share in all honesty how TBR has been a living, breathing thing in my life on more occasion than I can remember. It has saved my sanity on many a difficult day especially during the early months of adjustment in a new dwelling place away from family and things I have known all my life.
To Jen Gray, for in the beginning, there was her blog and her words, always encouraging, always brave, gently kicking my butt (!), telling me to "Go, girl. Go for it." To SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy who continues to shine her rainbow colors on dreamers like me and gently prodding, gently coaxing us to go out there and "do more things...badly." for it is in not being afraid and following one's bliss fearlessly that we are able to SHINE our true Light. Then followed a host of other bloggers - all listed under my favorites on the right - who generously shared with me their lives to let me know that I was not alone. Yes, we may all feel that sometimes, but now I know, we are never, NEVER alone even on the darkest nights of the soul.
My cyberpals who deserve way much more than mere mention of their names here: Allison, Leonie, Tracy, Kevin, my life-coach, Julie, my cyberpals on Flickr: Carol, Adrienne, Heidi, Christina, Qing, and many more artistics souls who continue to inspire me creatively.
Oh there are so, SO many, my friends from church in Woodbridge, April and Marge who, through their families caring and generosity and lutong bahay, have quench my thirst for family and community many a dark night. My family who are the main characters in my life story: my life-partner, Jack, my darling kids: Sol, Oona and Joshim, my second family in Toronto, the Azimi's who are my strength and my constant support. Last but not least, my beloved Pineda family and my sisters Leslie and Joey especially for without them I am nothing.
A new chapter awaits somewhere, someday - The Living Room, perhaps - one with much more passion, much deeper breaths and always the presence of the One from which all good things come.
All Glory and Honor to God Almighty from Whom all good things come forever and ever. Amen and AMEN.
Monday, June 19, 2006
My Dad and I.
I was one year old.
The year was 1969.
I've yet to ask if the red bike's his.
I think if was the neighbor's
As my mom told me once...
Lovin my red shoes. :-)
Love you, Daday!
Miss you and Mom a lot.
(and Les and Jo and Rands and CPK! hahahaHA!)
Friday, June 16, 2006
why the haiaut - haitus - hiatoes... *sigh*
break, you ask?
i'm tweaking my writing style.
more like, my writing intent.
so for my thousands of readers who lurkingly miss me: (i know you're out there because my counter's still moving! :) and I do have relatives, you know.)
i'm still here *waves*
and i'll be back.
after my brief
see ya soon, bebes!
Note: FYI, no, FMI! (for MY information)
it's HIATUS. lol
Thanks, you guys.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
i, too, saw "a black dot".
what do you expect?
it was right in the middle of the white space
i am trained to look for, connect, press on the dots
i am programmed to see what's right in front of me
i am predisposed to watch the swirling vortex
thus inevitably get swallowed by it
the black dot
it is so crisp and clear and, well...dotty
how could one not notice
a friend of mine sent me the following e-mail
a much-needed reminder
of how i tend to look at things
i know, the story's a bit long
but so is my share of dots!
The Tiny Black Dot
During some of my presentations, I take an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of white paper and make a little black dot in the middle.
Then I show the sheet to people in the audience and ask them what they see.
The majority will say that they see a black dot. Very few, if any, will tell me that they see a white sheet of paper with a tiny black dot.
We tend to look at our lives in very much the same way. We have our health, enough food to eat, a job that pays the bills and allows us some leisure activities, but we don't focus on that. We don't appreciate that.
Instead, we concentrate on the tiny black dot - the 10% in our lives that we don't like ... or the things we wish we could change.
By concentrating on the 10% that represents our problems or things we don't like, we develop a negative attitude and feel lousy. Plus, there's a universal principle that comes into play: we attract what we think about most.
By focusing on what is lacking in our lives, we create more experiences of scarcity.
Think about your life. Are you paying too much attention to the 10% that isn't what you want it to be ... as opposed to the 90% that's going well?
I'm not saying we should ignore our challenges or things we'd like to change. But if we paid a lot more attention to the 90% that IS working, we'd have a better attitude and we'd get better results.
When it comes to your job, do you concentrate on all the positive aspects of your position, or do you gripe about
your salary and your co-workers, or the fact that someone
else got the promotion you wanted?
What about the basic necessities of life? Do you feel gratitude every day for the food you eat, the clothing you have, the roof above your head... or do you take all of these things for granted? Worse yet, do you complain that you don't have more?
And let's not forget your body and your health. How much time do you spend thinking about what IS working? Your body is a miracle, make no mistake about that. There's nothing "ho-hum" about your body and its day to day operation.
Albert Einstein once said that there are two ways to live your life - one way is as though nothing is a miracle - the other is as though everything is a miracle.
Most of us walk around with a ho-hum attitude about the miracle of our bodies. We treat this amazing creation as if it's no big deal.
Consider this: your heart is only the size of a fist and yet it pumps blood through your body. Every day, the heart pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood and beats about 100,000 times.
That's just in one day.
In one year, that amounts to 36,500,000 beats. And in most cases, the heart just keeps on beating 36,500,000 times a year for many decades. Stop for a moment and recognize the enormity of this miracle.
And, of course, you don't have to change any body parts or beat your chest manually to keep your heart going. It automatically beats and sends the blood through your body with no effort on your part.
Now, let's consider your brain. The brain and spinal cord are made up of many cells, which include neurons. There are about 100 billion neurons in the brain. 100 billion! Neurons are nerve cells that transmit nerve signals to and from the brain at up to 200 miles per hour. Isn't this amazing?
Of course, your ears ... your eyes ... well, I could go on all day about the miracle of your body and how we take it for granted. Just one final example to drive the point home.
When you get a cold and have difficulty breathing for a few days, I bet you'll often tell everyone that you are congested and don't feel well. When the cold clears up in a week and your breathing returns to normal, you probably don't say: "My breathing is perfect today! I'm able to get all the oxygen I need!"
Why does it make sense to complain about your breathing for the one week it is impaired ... while failing to acknowledge the other 51 weeks when your breathing is full and healthy?
Stop taking this incredible body for granted. Appreciate all the things that ARE working! You're a walking miracle, and part of an extraordinary universe.
Some of you may feel that ignoring the black dot is not the answer - and that you need to focus on the black dot to improve certain conditions in your life. Well, if you choose this route, here are three strategies you could use:
1. Worry about the black dot.
2. Complain about the black dot.
3. Take some proactive steps to eliminate or reduce the black dot.
The only strategy that makes sense is #3. Yet many people select strategies #1 and #2, which only makes them more miserable.
Be brutally honest with yourself. Are there any areas of your life where you're ignoring the large white sheet and seeing only the tiny black dot?
Do you see the faults of those at work or at home, and seldom affirm people for their positive contributions to your life? If you're like most of us, you have an abundance of blessings, yet you're often blind to them.
If you've been staring at some tiny black dots recently, take responsibility for that. And recognize that nobody is forcing you to keep your eyes on the black dot.
You've developed the habit of focusing on the negative and your life (and the lives of those around you) will be greatly enriched if you start to shift your vision toward the white sheet.
You have a choice. You can keep staring at the black dot and telling others about all the things that are wrong in your life, or you can begin to appreciate your many blessings.
Sounds like a pretty easy choice to make, doesn't it?
-- Jeff Keller
(c) Attitude is Everything, Inc.
may you and i see more of the white paper in our lives
and a belated happy, happy birthday to my dearest marjorie.
definitely one of the whitest of the white blessings in my book!
what do you see
what do you see
do you see what i see
what do you see
what do you see
what do you see
do you see what i see
do you see me?
Friday, May 26, 2006
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
~ Mary Jean Irion
quote from my angel of a cyberpalJen Gray's website
she totally rocks...yes, even on a normal day.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own." -- Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons
*one of our favorite lines from Olivia by Ian Falconer
Monday, May 22, 2006
Be helpless, dumbfounded
Unable to say yes or no.
Then a stretcher will come from grace
to gather us up.
We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.
If we say we can, we're lying.
If we say No, we don't see it,
that No will behead us
And shut tight our window onto spirit.
So let us rather not be sure of anything,
Beside ourselves, and only that, so
Miraculous beings come running to help.
Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,
We shall be saying finally,
With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.
When we have totally surrendered to that beauty,
We shall be a mighty kindness.
...the sun doesn't always rise in crimson. The wind doesn't always blow from the south. The rains don't always fall on the plains. And the song bird sometimes loses its song.
And so must you allow for your own rhythms in time.
Always in love -
and gratitude to andrea for the rumi wisdom
Sunday, May 14, 2006
yup! that's my mommy.
i think she was seventeen here and the year was 1961.
this was taken during the holy week celebration called santa cruzan
and because my mom was one of the hot babes in their barrio (village)
[i can almost see my inang - grandma
frowning down on me with the language : p]
she was always asked to be santa elena which would roughly be the equivalent of prom queen.
but i'm sure she'll agree when i say
mom, you were beautiful then
even made more beautiful by the bond i now have with you called
i love you, mamay.
happy mothers' day!
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
last night was special
last night i witnessed something beautiful and powerful
last night i was flooded with intense feelings of both joy and sadness
and i know i will never be the same again
There's a mighty river flowing
There's a mighty river flowing
In this place
And it's full of passion
Full of power
Full of glory
It's full of grace
well, according to super-creative and generous talent, Ellen, anyway.
isn't that the cutest royalty you've ever seen?! nobody has ever done such a fabulous caricature for me. i can't stop grinning from ear to ear.
thank you, your highness and i welcome the other new member of the royal blogroll.
(such a fitting ending for a very heartwarming funday. will tell all tomorrow. ;-))
Saturday, April 29, 2006
i always liked my lips. everyone used to tell me how pink they were. i'm glad i liked them too because it was pretty much the only thing i really liked about myself growing up.
when i was my ten year old self, i complained that my boobies were all wrong. one was bigger than the other. i stressed about it so much that my mom had to take me to the doctor for a check-up. turns out boobs are almost often not the same size especially when they are beginning to grow out. one popping out before the other is quite normal.
that was just the beginning of the many lamentations of my young life. there was the issue of the tummy. no matter how thin i was (and i was always this thin, lanky girl) i always, or so i thought, had a "puson" (meaning, tummy-pouch in filipino). then it was the legs - too thin and long and hairy. then it was the hairs. it was growing from everywhere. and i mean everywhere, hairy beast that i am. butt - too small. nose - too wide. eyebrows - too thick. chin - too fat.
looking back, these were miniscule, itsy-bitsy bites of useless concerns that i made into big ones because of - tadah! you guessed it: cultural/societal conditioning. i realize that now because i am this all-knowing, oh-so-full-of-enlightened-wisdom woman of 38, right? WRONG. i still whine over my pouch which, of course is a gazillion times bigger than its original size, thanks to three 9+ pounders babies, as is everything else about my body. and don't even let me start with the hairs because they are now beginning to sprout from under my fingernails as well. ok. that's a lie. but, hey, it could very well be on the way to that with the way things are going. my boobs? they are still not the same size one being longer than the other. yes, you heard me. l o n g e r. that can't be good from cosmo, vogue, the society's perfectionist point of view, right? my enlightened self says "F@#@-it and f@#$#-vogue, F@#$% my insecurities because i choose to take me for what i am now, be it long, short, fat, wide, hairy, scary - in one word: BEAUTIFUL. "
besides, i can't do much about it anyway so i might as well enjoy what i've got while i've got 'em.
and if and when i do lose them, there's always the store of Dr. X's Used Body Parts to shop in.
(together with MY cutest babies in world, of course.)
thanks, punkinmom - who is my 4th blog reader in the world - for allowing me to share beautiful clara through your magical photography.
always in awe of your gift, K.
other cute flickr "babies" who i am gaga over ~
my list of favorites is always growing.
this world is so full of passionate, talented, loverly people, i tell you.
go now. go. and feast your eyes ovar thar.
Friday, April 28, 2006
i mean that
L I T E R A L L Y.
(just ask marge.)
“Motherhood has relaxed me in many ways. You learn to deal with crisis. I've become a juggler, I suppose. It's all a big circus, and nobody who knows me believes I can manage, but sometimes I do.” ~ Jane Seymour
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
because you threw it all away one day a long time ago.
because you chose to be a coward instead of following your heart.
because you chose the safe path instead of the road less travelled.
because you did not listen to the cry of the spirit, the ache in your soul.
and so now you anguish over what is
you say it has no connection to the past
but what you are beginning to see
is that it is all connected to it
it is your present because of it
it will be your future
if you continue with those choices above
learn to listen
and learn to cry no more.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
For teaching me that following one's heart creates miracles in life
For sharing your brand of courage with me through your words, travels, connections and disconnections
For reminding me that imperfect is perfectly fine
For living your life with gratitude - no matter what
For showing me your true colors - no matter what
For looking at me with trusting eyes
For the willingness to see me
For believing what was, what is and what will always be
Way before anyone else did.
i love you.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
i could really use some magic in my life right now...
bahar, thanks for sprinkling your brand of magic and brightening our otherwise drab morning, sunshine. little did i know that your flowers for oona would be the buffer i needed for the news that came after you left.
we love you BIG.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A Frenchman was crossing the desert with an Arab guide. Day after day, the Arab never failed to kneel on the burning sand and call upon his God. At last, one evening the unbeliever said to the Arab, "How do you know there is a God?"
The guide fixed his eye upon the scoffer for a moment and then replied: "How do I know that a camel and not a man passed last night? Was it not by the print of his hoof on the sand?" And pointing to the sun whose last rays were fading over the horizon, he added,
"That footprint is not of man."
From Creativity, by OSHO
Monday, April 17, 2006
I had the chance to go do Visita Iglesia again after a long time. Visita Iglesia which means Church Visit is the Filipino religious' practice of visiting as many Catholic churches as you can (in our case, as many as our hungry stomachs can patiently wait feeding for) during Holy Thursday in preparation for Easter.
I have to blasphemously admit I was in it for the escape-from-home factor. Originally. Turns out the Powers that be had a different agenda because on this evening of the church-hopping, tummy-grumbling, adventure, I met three of the most interesting, exciting, and refreshingly genuine Pinoys - like me *cough* (to a fault, succulents! *wink*) on the planet. God must really love me noh. Wa na nga pray much, meron pa play(mates) match!
Ta, Maro, Jun ~ your beauty lights me up! Again and again, gratitude and love to my ever dearest BFG/Ms. Mella (& PapaMon) for always hooking me up with the brightest lights on the planet.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Saturday, April 08, 2006
just having fun in the kitchen
experimenting with our new canon sd450.
wow, the handheld-ability! ;-)
|Your Quirk Factor: 65%|
You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."
Friday, April 07, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
In my book, I write about a photographer named Elizabeth Sunday, who said, “I believe in myself. I believe in my vision, my life, my talent, my art more than anyone. No one can take that away from me.” We can choose to be affected by the world or we can choose to affect the world. I never passed algebra, I’m not good at games involving balls being thrown or kicked towards me. For years, I struggled with all that I wasn’t. But seeing and believing in who I truly am has given me an unstoppable faith and conviction in what I can do with my life.
In Spilling Open, I write, “I think when I can get to that place of self-acceptance and a sense of calm assurance in who I genuinely am, if I can believe in who I am, what I need, what I deserve and what I must express, then I can let go of the struggle of self-acceptance based on their approval of my beauty, boobs, thighs, or sketchbooks. I will dare to do just what I do. Be just what I am. And dance whenever I want to.”
~ Sabrina Ward Harrison
Thank you, Ms. Harrison. You took the words right out of my mouth. Happy Dancing! ;-)
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Saturday, April 01, 2006
“When you examine the lives of the most influential people who have ever walked among us, you discover one thread that winds through them all. They have been aligned first with their spiritual nature and only then with their physical selves.” ~ Albert Einstein
The words that follow strike a very deep cord within. Having grown up exposed mainly to the Western ways of doing and getting, this is absolutely refreshing, familiar, like a warm, welcoming embrace as opposed to the hard tugging, pushing and pulling that I have been so accustomed to.
Creativity is a very paradoxical state of consciousness and being. It is action through inaction, it is what Lao Tzu calls wei-wu-wei. It is allowing something to happen through you. It is not a doing it is an allowing. It is becoming a passage so the whole can flow through you. It is becoming a hollow bamboo, just a hollow bamboo.
And then immediately something starts happening, because hidden behind man is God. Just give him a little way, a little passage, to come through you. That is creativity - allowing God to happen is creativity. Creativity is a religious state.
Creativity simply means you are in a total relaxation. It does not mean inaction, it means relaxation - because out of relaxation much action will be born. But that will not be your doing, you will be just a vehicle. A song will start coming through you - you are not the creator of it, it comes from beyond. It always comes from beyond. When you create it, it is just ordinary, mundane. when it comes through you it has superb beauty, it brings comething of the unknown in it.
The more you think, the more you are. The ego is nothing but all the thoughts accumulated in the past. When you are not, God is. That is creativity. - OSHO
Looking back on my creative life, I can attest to this sacred truth. The times when I was not working consciously on taking breaths was when, in my humble opinion, the work came out most breathtaking.
Friday, March 31, 2006
My creation, originally uploaded by iKat Kreations.
We've been doing a lot of walking
and running and skipping and hopping
and scrutinizing and collecting
and tripping and falling down and getting scratched and standing up and dusting off and running again
in the sun
We've been going on a lot of everyday adventures, eating pizza on the corner, flying with birds and catching planes
and befriending bugs and climbing dirt mountains and dodging buses and cars
lots and lots of cars on the busy, busy streets
We've found ourselves new company
which is the best part in all this
because all the walking and skipping
and hopping and scrutinizing and collecting and tripping and falling and getting up and running in the sun
becomes twice as nice when done in the company of fun.
Same time next week?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
My Thirteen Alka Seltzers To Help Digest My Daily Chews
1. My creative breaks at the library (thanks, Marge!)/bookstore/Starbucks/movies
2. My date days with Hubbyluvy ;-)
3. My daily morning walks with the kids
4. My coach, Julie
5. My once-a-week nanny, C.
6. My blogging life
7. My coffee-in-the-morning
8. My Oprah, Ellen & Americal Idol
9. My Canon 300 photos (thank you, Daddy!)
10. My Photoshop - the itsybitsy bites that I know
11. My Canadian galpals, BaharMargeMariam
12. My cyberpals - that would take another T13 (dozens) to complete
13. My swimming or yoga
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.
~ Albert Einstein
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Kids' Treasures (from our morning walks)
Thank you Sun, thank you Spring
Thank you bright and shiny things
Thank you coffee, thank you games
Thanks for keeping me this sane
Thank you kids, thank you laughs
Thank you silly, thank you snacks
Thank you walks, thank you talks
Thank you pebbles, thank you rocks
Thank you tv, thank you 'toons
Caillou, Barney, all you loons
Thank you yoga, thank you pool
Thanks for keeping up the cool
Thank you pals, thank you gals
Thank you for the daily calls (and emails)
Thank you date day, thank you Nanny
Thank you Hubby, once-a-weekly
Thank you Wal-Mart, thank you Chapters
Thank you for the books and stickers
Thank you journals, thank you Coach
Thank you for your kind approach
Thank you Synchronicity
Thank you for your Love for me
Thank you Sun, thank you bright.
Thank you Spring, my Soul's delight.
Always in awe of You,
Friday, March 24, 2006
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
From The Velveteen Rabbit
I hope to be the one who understands.
I hope to be the one who does not break easily.
I hope to be the one who does not need careful keeping.
Most of all, I hope to have the love of children rub off all the sharp and unreal edges on me and I don't really mind the hairs that have began to fall out from childbirth, my eyes that are often popping out of their sockets from lack of sleep and you bet I am all loose in the joints and sometimes feel as shabby as an old sock.All for the love of family.
All for the sake of becoming real.
All so very worth it in the end.
From My Coach Julie: If you say She did not live her life in authenticity and you saw and learned that in some way, would you risk creating the same scenario for your children?