Bright and Shiny and New

Brand New Mom
(file photo)

It's the last day of the year. I take stock...I look back...I like what I see.

It's been a beautiful year of major transitions, inner healing and transformations...a year of puzzle pieces falling into place, hearts getting softer, warmer, larger...STRONGER...a year of knowing where I am...and joyfully sitting...just breathing...calmly, deeply, knowingly.

LOVINGLY.

The Universe' loving abundance has been made manifest in many ways...mostly through the kindess and caring of friends and family...my heart swells with gratitude for all of them...and I wish each beautiful soul a year of Love, Light, Laughter and yes...

a year of LIVING ONE'S LIFE FULLY.

It's the only way I know to be truly joyful.

So as I bid farewell to 2004, let me share this prayer to one and all ~

I seek . . .

To know my Self more and more and Honor that which I come to know
To be gentle with my Self in every way...every day
To be firm enough to remember to strive for my highest good always
To see everything and everyone with eyes connected to my heart and not just my head
To rejoice in my Goddess-given kindness and share my gifts with all who seek
To receive abundance in my life and give back to life from the Universe' overflowing well of prosperity and joy

And as always
To let go and let God

A blessed new year to you.

...tears are not enough...

Tsunami

Release

“As I look back on my life, one of the most constant and powerful things I have experienced is the desire to be more than I am at the moment ---an unwillingness to let my mind remain in the pettiness where it idles --- a desire to increase the boundaries of my self ---a desire to feel more, learn more, express more --- a desire to grow, improve, purify, expand. I used to interpret this inner push as meaning that there was some one thing out there that I wanted to do or be or have. And I have spent too much of my life trying to find it. But now I know that this energy within me is seeking more than the mate or the profession or the religion, more even than pleasure or power or meaning . It is seeking more of me; or better, it is thank God, releasing more of me.”
From Notes To Myself by Hugh Prather






"More Of Me"...
~ and nine months pregnant with Oona
October, 2002

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

"My Santa Babies"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
From The Azimi Family

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Composed by  Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin  

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us, once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Why I Give It My All

Big brother Sol reading to baby sister Oona
January, 2003

GREAT-FULL

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. As I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I felt so grateful for my electric toothbrush. How many people in the world have the luxury of brushing with an electric toothbrush, let alone own an actual toothbrush, I thought.

As I went back to the bedroom I saw my perfect pudgy pretty little boy and felt this overwhelming love for him and my two other beautiful kids still sleeping in their warm beds.

There is peace. There is quiet.

In a short while we will all be trooping noisyly downstairs for a nice, warm breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit and juice. We will all be full in the bellies. The kids will watch their favorite cartoons. I will do stuff and putter around the house and maybe catch Oprah at four. The two younger kids will nap. My eldest boy and I will do homeschooling. And if I am lucky, I will have time to play on my computer.

And before I know it, my darling man would walk in the door --- one of my favorite times of the day --- and it would have been another busy, fun-filled day at the Azimi home.

And all is good.

And God is great.

And I am full.



Great-Full.

Old Man Winter and the Big, Bad Blah

"Frozen Slipper"

Winter is tough on my senses.

Mine are in a blender set on high. My moods are tossed, chopped, pulsed, pureed and makes for one very blah concoction. I’ve been blah for the past few days - my mind, my body, my spirit, even my hair - and I don't know what to do.

"Be patient with the questions that lie within your heart". Rainier Maria Rilke said. Or something like that.

I have a lot of questions. I question why I have to wait so long to get on with my "life". Not that I don't appreciate the one I have now. On the contrary. I have learned - the hard way - to be grateful for that which I have. There's so much to be thankful for. I have a great husband who loves me and children who are the most lovable beings in the universe. I have everything I ever wished for and more. Besides, an attitude of gratitude certainly beats being grumpy all the time.

But there is that place in my insides that remain empty, a hole, a void that never seems to get filled by anything - be it power, money, family, not even a million and one books and beautiful babies.

I am beginning to feel a twinge of guilt as I say this but I say this just the same because it is the truth. My truth. And the truth shall set me free.

The question is when.

I question why that void never gets filled by anything. Not even my concept of God or Goddess or any variation of divinity my puny human brain can imagine can settle the feeling of emptiness.

Maybe it's just human nature. No contentment. No peace. Only momentary glimpses of it. “It” is as fleeting as a butterfly landing on one's shoulder on a spring day.

Or maybe, it's PMS.

Ahhh, winter and the big, bad blah.

God, I can't wait for it to be over.



"Mr. Sun,
Sun,
Mr. Golden Sun
Please shine down on me."
- Nursery song