Thursday, September 15, 2005


Yoga Lady/// Canon Rebel 300D

FEAR=False Experiences Appearing Real

Most of the time, I'm afraid.
I'm scared of big things.
I'm scared of little things.
I'm scared of things that seem so inconsequential it's ridiculous.
I'm even scared as I'm writing this.
Will it be taken as sensible or stupid?
Should I worry about it or not?
Why am I even worrying about it?
What's wrong with me for worrying about it too much?

I used to be so brave
Doing things I've never done
Trying things I've never tried
And in between the trying and doing
I am thinking: Okay, next!

What happened?

Now I'm wondering:
Was I ever brave in the real sense of the word
Or was I just putting up a brave front?

It's crazy.
Yes. I can be that, too.
There are voices in my head that tell me to do one thing
And within the next minute tell me the complete opposite.

I wonder if anyone feels the same way...

I am a she-wolf, brave and confident as can be
I express myself and allow the Divine to come through my words
I am brazen in my creativity and acknowledge the importance of releasing it to the world
I am a child of God and God loves me for who I am in all my imperfection

And within a second of that last statement
A voice ever so quietly whispers in my ear:
"What a load of @#!#!x!"
It is the loudest, most annoying quiet I have ever heard

I hope nobody feels the same way...

Recently, I've come across information
A very special kind of information
That promises to help me get through these fears
The dark whisperings in my head
This information does not promise to banish the fear itself
However it promises to make me stronger
So strong that the fear will become so small
Because the space that this information occupies inside me
Will have become so big

Half of me believes this to be true
The other half is stuck in the muck of my own cynicism

I wonder if anyone sees it the same way...

So I embark on yet another life experiment
As I have always been a searcher of the Truth
A life scientist if you will
In search of My Truth
It seems to be close at hand
And I am hoping this is so
Because I am getting tired of searching
And searching...and searching
For I have asked and have been promised to receive

I wonder if anyone's doing it the same way...

So I boldly declare to receive it
The Answers to my Questions
The Light to my Darkness
Wholly, fully, proudly
That I may be liberated
That I may be released
That I may breathe the air of life
That I may live my life in the Light.

I pray mightily you feel the same way.

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