Friday, September 02, 2005

Grumble, Mumble...STUMBLE

Hampton Gardens, my view from the roofdeck Canon Rebel 300D

It's inevitable. There will be good days and there will be bad days.
No matter how prepared, organized, perfectly planned we may be
There will be times when things will go wrong.

I admit, I am a grumbler.
It comes so naturally to me to find fault in things
If there's something that needs improving
Count on me to find what it is
Something not fixed
I will gladly point that out, too.
Too big, too small (the homes)
Too quiet, too noisy (being single, being married)
Too hot, too cold (the continents)
Too fast, too slow, too little, too much...

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

My husband, on the other hand
Is such a laid back, "relax, honey...this too shall pass".. kind of guy
Thanking circumstances whether they be up or down, good or bad
(Opposites do attract!)
And it used to annoy me no end when he'd do his thing
Because in my mind, all I could think of was: how could you!
How could you just sit there when there's so much to be done
It's not perfect yet, can't you see?
And this would play over and over and over again in my head
Until I've worked myself into a frenzy
And end up losing hair over it

I started this blog a year ago and called it The Breathing Room
For a reason
See when I grumble and complain and criticize
It's like holding my breath
I hold it and hold it and hold it some more
Until I'm about ready to explode
And most times I do
And those times I don't
I implode
Both ways, not good ways

Then one day, I simply got tired of it
All the grumbling was driving me crazy
And so I prayed.

I prayed hard for God to take away my ungrateful heart
And replace it with something better
As always, The Divine came through for me:
W R I T E.
About what, I asked?
G R A T I T U D E.
I considered it, played around with it, experimented with it
For one whole year I toyed with the idea that this may be the answer
Cynic that I was, I had to try it for size
It could all be a bunch of crappy pollyana for all I know

Well, it's been over a year of TBR
It's been a year of experimenting with a more grateful attitude
And guess what, all I can say is:
I A M G R A T E F U L.
Having a grateful attitude (and writing about it) helped me in countless ways
I don't even know where to begin telling
It's still tempting to get stuck in the grumbling mindset
Old habits die hard
But if there's one thing that God has done in my life
It's letting me die over and over again
Oh, let me just say I've died a hundred deaths
(I have a very stubborn spirit!)

I died when I left my home
I died when I could no longer have my old lifestyle of being single
I died when I had children to take care of
I died when I had to learn to do housework

Over and over again, I died

But the miracle is this:
I may have died unto my old self
But it was the ingredient for me to get ready
for my new life
And I can say in faith
That this new life granted to me by grace
Is much, MUCH better

For this I am deeply grateful.
And this time, it is not merely experimental
I have seen the proof of its effectivity
When I focus on the amazing things about my kids
Instead of the one bad thing that just happened
No matter how dirty, clumsy and how much work it requires
I am better for it
When I focus on the wonderful things about my relationships
Instead of me complaining about the bad thing
No matter how painful and "not-my-way-of-doing-things"
I am better for it
When I focus on the blessed things about my surroundings
Instead of looking at the missing parts, dirty parts, imperfect parts
No matter how uncomfortable they may seem
I am better for it

Now I do realize it's not wise to be a doormat
Nor be passive when things are really getting out of hand
But most times I just want to give in to my old nature
To critique, to complain, to grumble-mumble...stumble!
(Which is exactly what it results in: a lot of stumbles)

I now allow something bigger than myself
To operate in my life
I now allow something more knowleageable
To decide and I surrender to that knowing
I now allow Someone absolutely powerful
To take hold of my circumstance
Because heaven knows I simply cannot do it alone.

Not now, not later
Not ever.

Oh yes, I still grumble.
You bet, I still mumble.
I'm still human after all.
But within a moment of my blah-blah-blahs
I throw in a song of praise out loud
Or a quiet prayer in my heart
And miraculously, the grumbles have a way
Of disappearing shortly after that.

On that note, may I just give thanks to the following:

My kids for teaching me patience
My husband for showing me shukur everyday
My Comforter, HS, for guiding me all the way.
You, my friend, for reading this piece.
To Blogger for making The Breathing Room possible.

And a big THANK YOU, ZOEYGAL...for introducing me to the great J influences in my life:Joyce and JC!

Thank you.

Bless you.

"'Be thankful and GIVE THANKS' are two different things. We need to say it to people, in whatever circumstance. Be grateful in everything. Drop a note...make a call...send a card...say it, say it, say it. Fast. It encourages people, it creates better situations, it blesses and magnifies the positive in things. Make the good things in your life bigger than the bad things." ~ Joyce Meyer (paraphrased)

1 comment:

Julie Jordan Scott said...

Kat - This is my first visit to your blog (came here by divine appointment - reading the thread at the MMB and not knowing you, I had to check you out to say something - many things - nice about you.) We have a lot in common, including a love for the power of gratitude - yes, yes, YES!

Thank you for sharing yourself so fully!