HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Happy Freaking Birthday to Beautiful Me!!!

HA! I love me! I adore me! Heck, I AM THE BEST ME I COULD EVER BE.

There I was.
Good ol me.
38 years and 11 minutes old.
So very tempted to wallow
In the pit of the emptiness
That seemed to envelope me these days
With family so far away
And hubby on a mission quest
I was to celebrate this year's birthday

Alone

I was having fantasies of surprise birthdays
Of beloveds coming unannounced
Imaginings not unlike those on tv
Where the clueless birthday girl
Is sitting with her lonesome
Weeping to the tune of Elvis' Are You Lonesome Tonight
(never liked Elvis so why am I using this example?!)
And suddenly out of nowhere
A hundred and three people appear
With balloons and cake at that!
Singing Happy Bday To You
In soprano, alto, base and tenor.
Of course, the 20-piece orchestra
Is right there as well
How it got there, I don't care
It's my fantasy, so let it be!

My parents are weird
So weird that they had me, the eldest
My brother after me
And my sister after him
All on the same day of the year
You heard me right, sista
All three siblings
All in one family
Born on the 15th of January
Freakin weird, huh?
Ok. Technically, my bro was born on the 16th
But since he came just a little past midnight
He was lumped together with us girls for the 15th

Birthday parties were a pain growing up
See, when you're a kid
You are at the peak of self-centeredness
The mantra for every kid is:
Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.
So imagine having to share your birthday
Year after year after year
Not with one, but two, TWO of your darling siblings
And, of course, there would be those cheap-o relatives
Who would bring just one gift for all three of us
Gad, some of them would even give a X'mas slash New Year slash Bday gift
All in one
What a load of crappy logic, I say

Which explains why I am so down during the birthday season
Especially when I don't have my cake and balloons
I missed out on a lot of Me-only birthday lovin growing up
And yes, I am still allowed my self-centerdness on my own birthday, damn it!

Fast forward to tonight.

My birthday hour was coming closer
11:30 p.m.
Hubby calls from top-secret-location
(Yes, Virginia, he had to be there on my birthday, MY BIRTHDAY!)

Hubby: (Half-asleep) Happy Birthday, honey. (It is 5 a.m. there.)
Me: Oh, hi. (Half-interested. Why the hell are you still there, I am thinking vengefully.)
Hubby: How are you, baby?
Me: Fine. Fine. Go back to sleep, k? Call me in the morning.
Hubby: Happy birthday, again, my love.
Me: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Bye.

And that was that.
The temptation for a pity party was at its peak.
Until I remembered a couple of Asti champagne bottles left over from New Year's
Hmmm...what if I...

Celebrate alone I did.
Yes, I was by myself, but celebrate I did just the same!
It was not 5-star hotel accomodations and trappings
But I had a huge revelation just there

I call the shots when and where and how I deal
I make the decision whether to pouty-pout on my birthday or to pop-cork instead
I choose to be sad about the fact that I don't have the fantasy birthday (not yet anyway)
I've always dreamed about since I was five
Or create new fantasies based on my own reality
Besides, my day is just beginning.
I believe I've got two really amazing women
Taking me out on the town tomorrow.
I can still create the day I want!

We cannot choose what life puts on our plate
But we can certainly choose how we are going to eat it!

I will eat mine with bubby Asti in hand, thank you very much.
And pouring two extra glasses just yet ~~~ for my dearest dear sister, Leslie and my coolest cool bro, Randy.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.
I'd take shared balloons and cake anyday.
Even all-in-one lump-sum gifts will do just to be with you.
And swear this early that next years birthday, we will all be together again.

That's a solemn promise.

Now I shall stop all this pretending
And cry myself to sleep
Hoping that tomorrow brings
More sunshine than rain



"sniff*






********
peace
love
joy
~iKat
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