Hangin' Out

Hangin' Out With Randy, Leslie's Den Canon Rebel 300D

My brother. Three years my junior yet three feet taller than me!
Okay. I'm exaggerating. Maybe one and a few inches.
But I am telling the whole truth when I say I have missed him so very much.

We drifted apart way back when our lives were running full speed ahead.
Too speedy for comfort, or for our own good if I may add.
Now that we have families and kids of our own
Life has balanced out.
Thank God!

We used to play together a lot as kids.
Hide and seek, bike racing, sliding downhill on coconut branches, chasing each other scared-silly with snake-laden photos of Medusa from the Wonderful World of Disney encyclopedia
And there's our favorite "sprikitik" -
A game my brother invented wherein we inched our way up Inang's blue and green tile pillars and slide down fast
That got us our shots from our disciplinarian grandmother
She said it was too dangerous to be climbing up and sliding down those slippery pillars
We'd sneak out of the house during nap time and did it anyway
And we'd get caught each time
And we'd earn a good spanking each time
And you bet we'd cry our eyes out each time

I made my brother cry a lot
And he made me and my sisters cry a lot
I remember how at one time, my big-sister-discipline act got a bit too far
I accidentally - well, somewhat accidentally - smeared chili into his eyes
And I'm talking about those tiny, scorching hot variety we call "siling labuyo"
Ooh, how I regretted trying to act like little pretend mom that day

That made him cry lots
That made me cry lots...after I got my spanking from our real mom.

We laugh about all this now
And speaking about laughs this guy makes me laugh big time
He's got that natural comic timing that sends me laughing until my sides hurt and tears are rolling down my cheeks
The last time we had a laugh fest it was in a restaurant called Chili's
(I guess for old "siling labuyo" time's sake! haha)
I was laughing so hard I couldn't concentrate on ordering my food
Of course it didn't help that we had a few rounds before that

I'm so proud of my brother.
Randy is so talented I don't even know where to begin.
He's an excellent artist, a computer wiz, an entrepreneur, a cook, a baker, a golfer, a swimmer (and he saved my bestfriend, Myra, from drowning once!)
He has two amazing daughters - my darling nieces, Sandra and Martina, speaks a total of five languages and can do two full hours of cardio without breaking for air
And the list goes on and on
Did I mention that he's also a champion triathlete?
He's also the reason why my sisters and I are all crazy about cycling at the gym

I've missed my brother so much.
Our getting close again is an answered prayer.
There's nothing like being able to hang out and talk about everything and nothing.
There's nothing like being able to laugh those snicker-snort laughs until you cry.
There's nothing like being one complete big happy family once again.

And am I glad that to this day, we can still make each other "cry".

I love you, bro!

Soul Sister

My beloved sister, Joey...doing what she does best. ,
Araneta Coliseum Canon Rebel 300D

Joey just got engaged last week.
I couldn't be happier for her.

She is my youngest sister.
Youngest in years but oldest in spirit.
She has been a guiding light for me.
For the family.
Hers is a kind of light that shines bright and true.
No matter how lost you are she will surely help you find your way again.
The reason for this, of course, is obvious.
The girl is plugged into the right Energy Source!




I wish you pure joy always, my soulsis.
You deserve every bit of it!
Thank you, thank you for your constant illumination.

I love you.
And Pat, too!
Congratulations on your engagement.
Finally!
Teeheehee.

Sol and Oona On My Nokia

My celphone is bursting full of their photos.

Sol and Oona playing.
Sol and Oona eating.
Sol and Oona bathing, swimming, drawing,
Even Sol and Oona pooping.



Sol and Oona at the dentist
Sol and Oona at the mall,
And at grandma, grandpa's
Sol and Oona making calls



They love each other.
They hate each other.
Sometimes they remind me of me and Jack.
Correction: MOST times they remind me
Of me and Jack.



They are like me and then they are not.
Mostly I just sit in awe and wonder.




Sol and Oona.
Their smiling, crying, ketchup-smeared faces
Clowning around or wrestling it out
Are all over my celphone
But mostly they are all over my heart.
My mind. My soul.

And some days I can't seem to get them out of my hair.

Ahhh...
Sol and Oona.

The Voice

One of my inspirations in music
Gary Valenciano

I used to be a professional singer.

It was good. It was bad. It was everything in between.
I reached the highest high. I dropped into the deepest depths.
It made me feel alive. It made me feel like dying.
After a while, it made me want to give it all up.
I said to myself, what's the use.
The glory I experienced was fleeting.

Empty.

Painful.

So I left.

I did not sing for a very long time.
Except to my little ones. And my big one. At home.
There was fulfillment. My heart was full.
Family completed me.

Or so I thought.

In spite of having "everything"
There seemed to be something missing
This thing. This empty feeling.
This nameless longing.

I tried to ignore it.
I tried covering it up.
I tried filling my life with comings and goings
All the time doing, doing, doing
I tried very hard.
And failed. Miserably.
Yes, I would surface from the darkness.
But I would find myself back in it again and again.
I went into a deep depression.
I felt lost.
My big question was:
How can one have everything and still feel this emptiness within?
How selfish of me. How self-centered. How neurotic.
How...how...how do I change it?

How do I? I asked.

I begged for an answer.
The Answer.
I needed it like a living being needed air.
I was lost and dying.
Again.

This time I was angry.
My anger stemmed from having to come back
Over and over to this putrid place of darkness
It stank of stale resentments, unlearned lessons
A dull, throbbing, insistent ache seemingly without a cure

I even cursed at God
For making it all so difficult, so painful
So utterly hopeless
I hurled curse after curse at Him, Her, It
Until I ran out
I was crying in anguish and hopelessness
Then my ultra conservative upbringing
Slaps me in the mouth
And stops me cold

How dare I be angry at God
I thought to myself, Now I am damned for sure.

Surprisingly no punishment came
Instead a quiet answer.
In the dark heaviness that surrounded me
Came a most gentle, loving voice
The Voice embraced me whole
The Voice took me in entirely as I am
In all my incompleteness
and angry imperfection

Then all became still

How do you change it, you ask?

Well, child, you don't.
I do.
Let Me.

Slowly, it washed over me.
The calm.
The peace.
There was a quiet realization that all I needed to do
Was turn over the reigns.
I needed to let go. I needed to trust the Voice within.
I needed to because, plain and simple, I have ran out of choices.
I let the change come.
I surrendered to it. Yes. That was the difference.
I totally surrendered this time.

I realize that the Music and the Voice are one
Back then I was so distracted by the inconsequential
That I failed to hear the real music
I may have been singing but to an entirely messed up beat
I believe I have found my rhythm now
And I choose to sing and dance to it wholeheartedly.

The passion for true song I have suppressed.
I let the noise of the world take over the gift.
I say, no more.
I may have chosen to leave my music once before.
But it has never left me.

My soul cries for genuine expression.
My spirit needs to share.
And so I choose to sing again.
But for a very different reason at this point in my life.
I sing not for self-glorification.
I sing in gratitude for the gift that has been entrusted to me
I sing because it gives me joy
I sing because it is my passion
I sing because not doing so means death to my soul

I sing to give glory to the one that has given
My life back.

The Voice has a name by the way.
He is the One. The Only One.
He is the Almighty God.
And to Him I give back all the Glory.
Now and forever.
In Jesus Mighty Name
Amen.



Passion is holy --- a profound Mystery that transcends and transforms through rapture. We need to accept that a sacred fire burns within, whether we're comfortable with this truth or not. Passion is part of Real Life's package because we were created by Love, for Love, to Love. If we do not give outward expression to our passions, we will experience self-immolation --- the spontaneous combustion of our souls. Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

Fruits & Things

Prutas atbp. Tagaytay Highlands, Tagaytay City Canon 300D

Do you realize...
that for the simple, yet mind blowing, fact
that you're even "HERE"...
you're deserving of all else?

Otherwise...
what would be the point?



TheUniverse

My First PhotoFriday Entry

Rare Divers, Ocean Park, Subic Canon Digital Rebel 300D


I'm biting the bullet
I'm grabbing the bull by the horns
I'm silencing the critic
I'm taking a shot (I did. ;-))
I'm submitting my first photofriday entry

I'm clicking on "enter"

I'm...I'm...WEEEEEEE!!!

Tangled & Rusty

Anchor, Marina, Subic Bay Yacht Club

I have been feeling it for quite some time now
This dark swirling thing deep inside me
It may be chemical, emotional, psychological
Definitely spiritual
I am impatient for it to be gone
Hopefully forever
But I know these dark swirlies come
And stay for as long as they like
Like some unwanted guest
And one can only hope
For it not to break too many things
For it not to create too much irrepairable damage
For it to leave as quietly as it came
So one can finally say:

Adios. Hasta la vista, baby!


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke

My All-Time Favorite Link

I "met" Jen almost a year ago.

Jen is real, raw, soft, hard, sunshine, rain, a blizzard, a breath of fresh air and more. She is the intensity of the seasons all rolled up into one wonderful angel being. She loves kindness because she has got one of the biggest, kindest hearts herself.

She inspired me to start this blog. Truth be told, she saved me. There I was, drowning in my own victim-inspired hole full of negativity, desperate for anything positive for a change. Then one day, I chanced upon her website, thanks to SARK (another angel being) who listed Jen's note-worthy site on her newsletter.

Jen has an uncanny way of putting into words heart-things tangled up deep inside. If I'm feeling it nowadays, you bet Jen's writing about it and feeling it too. I believe it's her super-sensitivity that helps her connect with me, with us. Yup, there are a lot of us loyal Jen fans out there.

It's been almost a year since and her website still touches me with as much kindness, love, passion.

There is not one photo posted here that does not have Jen's spirit in it. I got my Canon Digital Rebel 300D (I just love it!) because of her. Everytime I post, I think about the muse who help start it all and say to myself, "I wonder if Jen would like this...".

Jen Gray, thank you. For saving me then. For saving me now.

Simply put, you inspire me.

Love,
K.

Waiting

...waiting for the room...


...waiting for the show...


...waiting for the blowfish to blow, blow, blow...

Solomon and Oona on Vacation,
Subic Bay, Olongapo, Pampanga

Friend or Foe

SAVE THE WHALES
SAVE THE OCEAN
SAVE THE EARTH




Whale Show, Subic Bay, Pampanga

Hello Diary

I remember the very first time. I recall looking around the store at all the different books, stationery, and fine little Hello Kitty things that were the most precious posessions to an eleven year old girl. Then, right there in the center of the display counter it lay. Hard-bound, red and white, a drawing of a wide eyed girl in pig-tails in a baseball outfit. Written in bold red letters right in front were the words "Hello Diary".

Hello, Diary, indeed! It was the one. My very first. My fingers were shaking as I took it from the shelf. I opened it and touched the smooth pages of white lined with red. My diary. My new best friend. My confidant and keeper of secrets. It took all of my restraint to keep me from bolting out the door right there and then and finding a quiet corner to begin my journey with My Diary. Of course I had to line up and pay for it first.

It's been twenty plus years and twenty plus journals since that fateful day. My husband complained the last time we moved. There were more boxes of books, notebooks and my precious journals than there were furniture or clothes. I admit. I have a fetish for anything book or paper. But for good reason. My love for journalling helped develop my love for books and vice versa. My writing has also improved ever since I started scribbling into my diary. My state of mind is always better after a good writing session. I could be in the fowlest of moods and all I have to do is hunker down and start pouring my heart and soul out into the pages. Minutes later, I am breathing easy again. And with the advent of journaling technology, we now have the neater, easier to access, light-on-shipment-and-storage fees blog. I can almost hear my husband cheering somewhere.

There is magic in journaling. It is creative. It is a release. It helps put things in perspective. It helps clarify intentions and therefore speeds up manifestation. Best of all I love journaling because it is healing.

I still have that very first one in storage somewhere. When I get the chance I am going to pay tribute to her (I'd like to think it's a girl.;-) and post a photo here one day. For now, I share my present favorite journal with you.

Happy journaling!


My favorite journal, "Red" with big sister "Apple" Canon 300D

Huge

As I sail into the sunset... Boracay, Canon 300D

This HUGE one is from Andrea Scher's Superhero Journal. It blows my mind each time I read about it. Go ahead. Read and see for yourself.

There is a scientist named Dr. Masuro Emoto who has shown {through high speed photographs of water crystals} that an ordinary glass of water will literally change form according to the name you label it with. You may have seen this experiment in the film, What the bleep Do We Know?. Emoto labeled glasses with different words such as: "love", "war", "hate" or "joy" and then photographed the crystals as they froze in each glass. The results are mind blowing.

From the website:
"What has put Dr. Emoto at the forefront of the study of water is his proof that thoughts and feelings affect physical reality. By producing different focused intentions through written and spoken words and music and literally presenting it to the same water samples, the water appears to "change its expression".

He found that water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors."

I have always subscribed to this philosophy, to the pure power of intention. In my mind, there is no argument: if one thinks and says something often enough, it will come to pass sooner or later. One of my favorite lines is "To think is to create." And therefore, saying (or writing) it ups the ante of power over what we are thinking.

Whenever I would see proof of this, like the one mentioned above, my soul-mind does cartwheels and rejoices.

I rejoice in the power of healing words.
I rejoice in the power of positive thinking.
I rejoice in the power of heartfelt prayer.

I rejoice in the power of intention. Good intention.

Peace.
Love.
Joy.

Steadfast

Colors Photo by Patrick Frias, Boracay

to work from where I'm at
as per what life presents to me.
to grab hold of my destiny
and do with it what I will

all according to His will.

Amen.

"The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is "look under foot." You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Do not despise your own place and hour. Every place is under the stars, every place is the center of the world."
-John Burroughs

Courage

Sunset Dragon Boat, Boracay Photo by Patrick Frias, Canon 300D

It takes courage to push yourself to places
that you have never been before... to test your limits...
to break through barriers...
And the day came when the risk it took to remain
tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin

Missing You

The Missing Piece, Sea Wind Resort, Boracay Canon 300D

some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle.
and so it goes.
souls going this way and that,
trying to assemble the myriad of parts.

but know this.
no one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle.
like before the days when they used to seal jigsaw puzzles in cellophane
insuring that all the pieces were there.

everyone carries with them at least one
and probably many pieces to someone else's puzzle.
sometimes they know it.
sometimes they dont.

and when you present your piece
which is worthless to you,
to another,
whether you know it or not,
whether they know it or not,
you are a messenger from the Most High.
~Lawrence Kushner*

I miss you, Mr. Piece.

I wish you Peace.

Love,
Your one and only, Mrs. Piece



*quote courtesy of

jengray http:jengray.com

///Feb. 5, Puzzle

A Prayer For Our Children

Oona Gabriella at 2.5 yrs old Canon 300D


Dear God,

There are no words for the depth of my love for this child.
I pray for her care and her protection.
I surrender her into Your hands.
Please, dear God, send Your angels to bless and surround her always.
May she be protected from the darkness of our times.
May she always see You at the center of her life.
May her heart grow strong,
To love You and serve You.
I surrender, dear God, my parenthood to You.
Make me the parent You want me to be.
Show me how to love most patiently, to be there for her most fully,
To understand profoundly who she is what she needs.
May this family be a blessing unto her now and forever.
May she learn here values and principles of love and righteousness.
May she learn from me kindness.
May she learn from me strength.
May she learn from me the lessons of power:
That she has it and
Must surrender it to You, to be used for Your purposes throughout her life
For thus shall You be gladdened,
And thus shall she be free,
To live most fully and love most deeply.
That is my wish.
That is my prayer for her and for me forever.
Amen.

Marianne Williamson, Illuminata

Purple Thaw

The Artist Date, Cafe Breton, Boracay Canon 300D

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but don't know how to start? Do you ever feel like you have so much to do but don't have any idea where to begin? I am having one of these moments again. I seem to always find myself in this 'lost' place. And always, I find that the best antidote to this problem is to simply jump in and begin.

Therefore, I. Begin. Again. And Again.

And. Yet. Again.

"...I'm almost never 'in the mood' to create something. It never seem to be the right nuance of emotion, or amount of time, or apathy drifts in and whispers things like 'why bother,' 'it won't look the way you want it to anyway,' or just 'why?'
Doing it anyway is just that. Create alongside moods. Create when your laundry seems like the most exciting thing in your life. Create when sickness overtakes you and you can barely walk to the kitchen. Create when you are ecstatically happy. Especially then." --- SARK, The Bodacious Book of Succulence

Double Life

Bert and Cora Pineda on their 39th Wedding Anniversary Celebration

"A double life sentence!" my Dad joked. It is my parents' thirty nineth wedding anniversary and the whole family is celebrating it over Mothers' Day lunch buffet at the Edsa Plaza Hotel.

"A double life sentence!" my Dad joked. It is my parents' thirty nineth wedding anniversary and the whole family is celebrating it over Mothers' Day lunch buffet at the Edsa Plaza Hotel.

A double life sentence meaning it's been twenty plus twenty years that he's been in "prison" with Mom. He loves doing that. To my utter dismay and my siblings' as well. We just hate it. His carino brutal style of showing his love for our Mom. Ask him what their theme song is and with a twinkle in the eye, he'll say "Release Me". Then he'd jump into a stanza and in his deep baritone go: "Please release me, let me gooooo...." and laugh. By himself. Because we are all frowning and we are definitely not amused.

Okay. Okay. Maybe a little. I have to admit my Dad can be cute when he does this. Definitely better than his Is-that-part-of-the-plan ultra-serious side, that's for sure.

But my Mom, she loves all this. She smiles a knowing smile. As if she is delighted. No, not delighted. More like...entertained? Or maybe she's not. But she smiles just the same. With my Mom, we will never really know. She is very private when it comes to things between her and my father. She is not the type to tattle-tale about anything, good or bad, about them.

Mom is fiercely loyal. And she loves my Dad unconditionally. Dad, in spite of his outward carino brutal manner of showing of affection, loves my Mom to death. My Dad would be completely lost without my Mom. Maybe it's this love and loyalty that allow them to be amused by all this.
Dad turns wistful after a while. In between bites of his steak, he allows us see some vulnerability for a change. He enthuses, "We may have been together for thirty nine years but it doesn't feel like that at all. Perhaps it's because of the love we have for each other that it seems like only yesterday when we first met..." and this is when we all start hollering and howling teasingly. Besides, Randy, Leslie, Joey and I are beginning to get embarrassed by all this show of genuine affection from Dad who is hardly affectionate!

Aha, there's hope after all!

In all, it was one super fun Mom & Dad Anniversary/Mothers' Day celebration. I loved it especially since we were able to bond as a family where our bellies ached not so much from over-eating but because of laughing so hard. But I do have to admit we may have had just a little too much of that delicious spread. I can still taste the nine lobsters I greedily piled on my plate.

We love you Mom & Dad. Carino brutal or not, thanks for all the love you have shared with us and with each other. Thanks for being our best examples of love and loyalty. May there be another double life sentence for you both. We can only aspire to have the same kind of love-prison for us who are just starting out in our married life 'sentences'.



Bert and Cora Pineda and the beautiful products of their "double-life sentences"

Trust the Unease

Bridge Of Red, Cafe Breton Canon 300D

it is a divine discontent.
it is a feeling of unease.
it is a spinning, a purging, a state of confusion,
it is an emptiness, a bulging fullness, a contradiction, a mere illusion...

it's that time of the month again.
it's insights and realizations and going within, deep and dark.
it's cyclical. that much i know.
it is to be welcomed rather than shunned.
if i work with it, it works with me.
i embrace the unease. i embrace the discontent.

i trust it now.

Wow Days...Fulfilled

Sunset, WhiteSandBeach, Boracay

There was God-glorious-sunshine, salt water and pure, sugary white sand beaches
And sunsets that brought the most breathtaking lights
And seafood that brought the most orgasmic sighs
And starry nights that brought back dreamy distant places


L-R (grown-ups) Jack & Kat Azimi, TonyPet & Leslie Albano, Joey Pineda
(kids) Joshim, Oona & Solomon Azimi

There was family whom I've missed so much
And laughs and chats and bonding over fruit shakes and buffet breakfasts
And checking out pearls, picking trinkety joyful things along the beach walk
And getting a henna tattoo that cost just a little too much (it stains the damn hotel sheets.)


Henna Tattoo Station

Although punctuated by tiny whiny cries from three tiny whiny creatures
In all it was still magical

And I am divinely grateful once more.

Happy Mothering Day

Mommy-to-be, Leslie** with nephew Joshim Canon 300D

This year, I made a special commitment. To myself. My Self. To care for, nurture, give time to me. To listen, really listen to what my insides are saying. To know when to stop spinning and to turn off. To do all this and not allow the old guilts to show up. To do this and not give too much attention to old voices from the past that say it's not okay since I'm not yet perfect - it's selfish, heaven-forbid - evil even! - to remotely consider putting importance on the Self - which, of course, is a bunch of right-wing religion-in-a box crappola.

So far, this Me First Project has showed some very positive results. Since I am able to take better care of me, I can take better care of my own family. I am able to spend more quality-time with loved ones because of a quality-me. Since I am more relaxed, cheerful, balanced, my outlook in life has improved tremendously as well. Since I am able to listen with my heart to that voice deep within, I am able to listen to others with ears connected to that place inside that can truly hears.

I like this Me that I've become. I like her because - she may not be perfect but she is more caring and kind. She still snaps and curses and fuzzes over things trivial, that's true, but she accepts these nuances of character and makes genuine ammends afterwards. Instead of covering up and denying her sinfulness, she admits to it thus creating an awareness from which real healing can begin. And this, to me, is what real caring for Self is all about.

That is something good. Not perfect, but real good.

That, baby, is good enough for me.

"There is no more beautiful way of honoring the love of the feminine divinity waiting to mother us than by celebrating the temple where her Spirit dwells on earth....

Today, as you walk through your own home, think year --- in small but tangible ways. There should be comfortable places from the living room to the bedroom that invite you to sit, sleep, relax and reflect. There should be small indulgences from the kitchen to the bathroom that pamper and please. There should be sources of beauty throughout that inspire, order that restores, and the quiet grace of simplicity that soothes. The poet Ntozake Shange writes, "i found god in myself and i loved her/i loved her fiercely."- Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

**Thank you, sisterlove, for being one of my best Self-Care Expert icons. You seem to know this stuff by heart, you beautiful mommy-to-be! Shine on, bebe!!! - Love you lots, Ate C.

Goodbye Old Home...Hello New Adventure

~ home fading, fading fast...but the memories here will forever last...~
108 Gregory Scott Sonycam

Gregory Scott Drive has been our home in North America for the past three years.

Jack, Sol and I came here in Spring of 2001. This is where we had our two beautiful children, Oona Gabriella in 2002 and Joshim Abraham in 2004. This is where I learned how to peel an apple top to bottom without stopping, handle raw meats without puking and how to separate the colored from the whites. This is where I realized that I can cook and clean and raise three kids...and still be alive at the end of the day.

This is where we have joyfully welcomed loved ones over from near and far. People we cherish have spent days and nights with us, sharing food, life stories, kidplay and housework here. We celebrated birthdays and weddings, comings and goings or simply being together here. People who have shared life's challenges with us, loved ones who added so much more color to our already colorful lives, always teaching, always sharing, always loving. To each and everyone of them, I am most thankful. Each one is a precious blessing from above.

This is where I experienced the changing seasons for the first time in my life. A most magnificent showing of God's glory. From my kitchen window, I have seen the weather change from sunny to rainy to snowy sometimes in a matter of minutes. From our backyard we saw birds come and go with the coming of the warm and cold, leaves change color from green to fiery red, trees go from lush, proud and full in the summer sun to nakedly swaying in the bitter autumn wind and finally surrendering to winter's slumber.

This is where I fell in and out and in love again with my husband so many times that I have lost count. This is where I fell in and out and in love again with myself countless times that it drove me insane.

Many a life lesson has been hatched here, heads and hearts thumped seemingly beyond repair, spirits strengthened beyond what I thought to be humanly possible.

But what matters the most to me is that love, unconditional, has blossomed here. Like the changing seasons my soul has gone through a million reincarnations as well.

To sum it all up, Gregory Scott Drive has been my house of horrors and my home of hoorays. I am grateful for every single moment, whether happy or horrific, spent here. Moments that have stretched, poked, grazed, molded and cut me in places and into a million pieces. Moments that have made me a human being more in tune with the reality of life and ultimately glued me back together again and fashioned me into something more wholesome and worthy of life's many adventures yet to come.

Goodbye, old home. May the next family who lives here be as blest as we have been under your roof. I will definitely miss your familiar rooms and corners and cupboards.




"...so it is with You and how You make me new
with every season's change,
and so it will be as You are recreating me,
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring.
"Every Season, Nichole Nordeman"
http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/n/nicholenordeman10711/everyseason343451.html

Love & Gratitude,
K.

Upcoming Wow-Days

~ Bora Tree ~

It is a tricky one, this finding balance in life. We live life as we walk, one step at a time. And with each step, we gain a new perspective. There are huge lessons about nurturing self, being kind to self, making self a priority-not to the exclusion of those we love but on a par with those commitments and with a recognition that, if OUR well is not full, nothing else is possible for us and we lose our capacity to contribute to others. – Ingrid Kincaid,
http://www.100words.net
member's name: silly mischief

I am counting the days. Approximately two more weeks to go, fourteen days, more or less, before we take that flight to my warm, sunny homeland in the South Pacific. All the chaos involved in sorting, packing, de-cluttering and packing some more gets easier to handle as long as I keep this vision crystal clear in my head ~

Hello, SPAaahhh days, beach bummin' and home-cooked food a la Mama Grandma days! Hello, beloved family slash extra hand days to take care of my babies! Hello beloved housekeepers and nanny days to make sure this tired Mama gets her much-needed rest for a change!

Hello, hello, hello and welcome to my wonderful world of WOW-DAYS!

All in my head, for now-days.

the big, bad, blah explained!

i found this good one on Jeff's journal today....from

Jenhttp://www.jengray.com

“There are natural highs, and lows, in winter. You eat more. You sleep more. It is only natural to put on a little fat, but I don’t like it. I want to go into winter, have its beauty and silence, and play by my rules., but it’s hard. And I’m so tired at the end of the day; as soon as it gets dark I’m bone-weary, almost in a stupor. It doesn’t matter whether I’ve been outside sawing logs or cross-country skiing all day, or just sitting inside by the window, typing and drinking tea – still I’m exhausted. I’m finally learning to savor it, just to stretch out by the fire and fall into slumber, into a sort of spinning, warm unconsciousness – all the chores done, or almost. I’m learning to understand and relish the sweet low of it, this necessary putting-off-until-tomorrow. The days are gradually, by minutes, getting longer, and soon I’ll be out of it, go full bore again, put on my city ways and do the work of three men – but these short, dark days are bigger than I am, larger than the chemical stirrings going on in the back of my brain, and I’ve learned that if I fight it, I’ll only be more tired the next day."
~Rick Bass

Creative Time

Time is a created thing. To say "I don't have time" is like saying "I don't want to..." - LAO TZU

This year, I will create time for the things that really matter in my life.
I will create time for things that I love to do, not just things that need to be done.
I will create time for people whom I cherish and make time to show them just how much I love and appreciate them.
Most importantly, I will create time to fuzz over and give extra loving care to the most important person in my life ~ ME.
Without "me-time", there won't be "others-time". One simply can not give what one does not have.
I create the time ~ to give, to cherish, to love, to appreciate, to fuzz over, to care.
I want to give.
Me first. Then to others.
I have the time.
I create it.


Lovely Baby Footsie TimeSonyDigicam

Good Days...Bad Days...

there are good days
there are bad days
and then there are the very bad days
like the one i just had
so i reach out
and i reach out some more
and i see i am not alone
and the day does not seem so bad after all.

"Smile more ~ even when you're feeling overwhelmed or at your wit's end, you can trick your body into a state of joy by holidng a smile on your face for at least thirty seconds. Try it right now." - Cheryl Richardson, Life Makeovers

this may help...

Allelujia Chorus

”Being with real people who warm us, who endorse and exalt our creativity, is essential to the flow of creative life. Otherwise we freeze. Nurture is a chorus of voices both from within and without that notices the state of a woman’s being, takes care to encourage it, and if necessary, gives comfort as well. I’m not certain how many friends one needs, but definitely one or two who thing your gift, whatever it may be, is pan de cielo, the bread of heaven. Every woman is entitled to an Allelujia Chorus.” – Clarissa Pinkola Estes ~ Women Who Run With The Wolves

My Allelujia Chorus ~

My sisters, Leslie and Joey
My Mom & Dad
My sisters-in-law, Mariam and Bahar
My JJ Tribe from the MMBs
My best galpal in Manila Tina A.
My best galpals in Toronto April, Milet,
My best galpals all over the world Tina D. AnnMarie, Cecile, Isabel, Myrna, GinnyLee
My cyberpals Debbie, Ingrid, Jen, Kevin, Allison, Tracy, Leonie
My favorite authors C.P. Estes, SARK, Maya Angelou
My darling husband, Jack
My darling kids, Sol, Oona, Joshim
My angel, J.

To each precious one, I sing ~ "Allelujia!"

In gratitude,
K

"The Day"

Solomon (1 week old) with first-time daddy, Jack
Lazy Sunday Morning
Makati, Philippines

My darling first-born came to life on September 4, 2000.

So did I.

Here's a link to Solomon Joshua's birth day .
This was the very first iMovie project I proudly and lovingly created on my iBook a few years ago.
I feel it's time to share it with you.
Promise, no gooey-eeky stuff was included in the production. LOL

If there's anything one is truly and whole-heartedly to be grateful for ~ it would be children.
The best lessons I've ever learned in my life were taught to me by my precious kids, Solomon~Oona~Joshim.

And a special dedication goes to my JJ Tribe to which I lovingly post this entry. They have been the magical "wind beneath my wings...".

ENJOY!

in gratitude,
Kat

100 Words by "Kathreen"

http://100words.net



100 words. I highly recommend it! Therapeutic in a most creative way... Click today's blog entry title to go.

Here are three of my favorite entries:

October 8, 2004 ~
There we stood holding on to each other tight. As if the mere act of letting go would make us fall into an abyss. We were each other’s life raft. There we were in the middle of this turbulent sea and the embrace was our island.

This moment was my reality check. A much needed reminder. A minute of feeling, smelling and remembering what brought us together to begin with. The chaos that is life has made me forgetful. A single moment of our bodies entwined brought back the cherished raison d'être, the sanity.

For a moment nothing else mattered.


October 2, 2004 ~
“I hate my life right now!”

It pinched. For the first few seconds, the pain was local. Negligible. Then, ever so slowly, it spread. Like some sneaky virus it started to consume me. What started pinching was now a throbbing mass in my head. My heart. My ego. It had nothing to do with me, I know that much. But my freaking ego is, as always, clueless to this reality.

It wants what it wants. Believes what it believes.

Now it wants to believe that the comment was all about her majesty.

“Oh, woe is me... ”, the song begins.

October 4, 2004 ~
Divine chaos, Deepak Chopra calls it.

But there is nothing divine about running around the house, still dressed in sleeping clothes at ten in the morning, trying to feed two noisy toddlers while pacifying a crying baby. Nothing divine in holding in toxic wastes in the gut since there is no time to unload, not yet. Nothing divine in remembering that there are no diapers for my girl and the baby is a month late for his vaccination schedules.

“Hello. It’s me. Joshim needs to get his shots, Oona has no diapers and I have to take a crap. Help.”

Divine-shmivine!

Bright and Shiny and New

Brand New Mom
(file photo)

It's the last day of the year. I take stock...I look back...I like what I see.

It's been a beautiful year of major transitions, inner healing and transformations...a year of puzzle pieces falling into place, hearts getting softer, warmer, larger...STRONGER...a year of knowing where I am...and joyfully sitting...just breathing...calmly, deeply, knowingly.

LOVINGLY.

The Universe' loving abundance has been made manifest in many ways...mostly through the kindess and caring of friends and family...my heart swells with gratitude for all of them...and I wish each beautiful soul a year of Love, Light, Laughter and yes...

a year of LIVING ONE'S LIFE FULLY.

It's the only way I know to be truly joyful.

So as I bid farewell to 2004, let me share this prayer to one and all ~

I seek . . .

To know my Self more and more and Honor that which I come to know
To be gentle with my Self in every way...every day
To be firm enough to remember to strive for my highest good always
To see everything and everyone with eyes connected to my heart and not just my head
To rejoice in my Goddess-given kindness and share my gifts with all who seek
To receive abundance in my life and give back to life from the Universe' overflowing well of prosperity and joy

And as always
To let go and let God

A blessed new year to you.

...tears are not enough...

Tsunami

Release

“As I look back on my life, one of the most constant and powerful things I have experienced is the desire to be more than I am at the moment ---an unwillingness to let my mind remain in the pettiness where it idles --- a desire to increase the boundaries of my self ---a desire to feel more, learn more, express more --- a desire to grow, improve, purify, expand. I used to interpret this inner push as meaning that there was some one thing out there that I wanted to do or be or have. And I have spent too much of my life trying to find it. But now I know that this energy within me is seeking more than the mate or the profession or the religion, more even than pleasure or power or meaning . It is seeking more of me; or better, it is thank God, releasing more of me.”
From Notes To Myself by Hugh Prather






"More Of Me"...
~ and nine months pregnant with Oona
October, 2002

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

"My Santa Babies"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
From The Azimi Family

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Composed by  Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin  

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us, once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Why I Give It My All

Big brother Sol reading to baby sister Oona
January, 2003

GREAT-FULL

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. As I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I felt so grateful for my electric toothbrush. How many people in the world have the luxury of brushing with an electric toothbrush, let alone own an actual toothbrush, I thought.

As I went back to the bedroom I saw my perfect pudgy pretty little boy and felt this overwhelming love for him and my two other beautiful kids still sleeping in their warm beds.

There is peace. There is quiet.

In a short while we will all be trooping noisyly downstairs for a nice, warm breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit and juice. We will all be full in the bellies. The kids will watch their favorite cartoons. I will do stuff and putter around the house and maybe catch Oprah at four. The two younger kids will nap. My eldest boy and I will do homeschooling. And if I am lucky, I will have time to play on my computer.

And before I know it, my darling man would walk in the door --- one of my favorite times of the day --- and it would have been another busy, fun-filled day at the Azimi home.

And all is good.

And God is great.

And I am full.



Great-Full.

Old Man Winter and the Big, Bad Blah

"Frozen Slipper"

Winter is tough on my senses.

Mine are in a blender set on high. My moods are tossed, chopped, pulsed, pureed and makes for one very blah concoction. I’ve been blah for the past few days - my mind, my body, my spirit, even my hair - and I don't know what to do.

"Be patient with the questions that lie within your heart". Rainier Maria Rilke said. Or something like that.

I have a lot of questions. I question why I have to wait so long to get on with my "life". Not that I don't appreciate the one I have now. On the contrary. I have learned - the hard way - to be grateful for that which I have. There's so much to be thankful for. I have a great husband who loves me and children who are the most lovable beings in the universe. I have everything I ever wished for and more. Besides, an attitude of gratitude certainly beats being grumpy all the time.

But there is that place in my insides that remain empty, a hole, a void that never seems to get filled by anything - be it power, money, family, not even a million and one books and beautiful babies.

I am beginning to feel a twinge of guilt as I say this but I say this just the same because it is the truth. My truth. And the truth shall set me free.

The question is when.

I question why that void never gets filled by anything. Not even my concept of God or Goddess or any variation of divinity my puny human brain can imagine can settle the feeling of emptiness.

Maybe it's just human nature. No contentment. No peace. Only momentary glimpses of it. “It” is as fleeting as a butterfly landing on one's shoulder on a spring day.

Or maybe, it's PMS.

Ahhh, winter and the big, bad blah.

God, I can't wait for it to be over.



"Mr. Sun,
Sun,
Mr. Golden Sun
Please shine down on me."
- Nursery song